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Occult Humor

This is humor that has found its way to Chaos Matrix over the years. Most of it is occult-related, though particularly good "garden variety" humor is mixed in as well. If you come across any good pagan or magickal humor that isn't here, consider sending it in for inclusion.

* 22 Aphorisms, Inspired insight and words of wisdom
* Allergic to Bullets, Attitude determines everything
* Antigravity, the Feline Butterology Theory (and rebuttal), Felines, Buttered Toast, and the BFAD (Buttered Feline Antigravity Device)
* Astral Advertising: A Modern Occult Menace?, Has astral advertising gone too far?
* Automated Psychiatric Hotline, The automated telephone system for a psychiatric center
* The Bill of No Rights, A look at what right American's *aren't* guaranteed
* Bumper Stickers, A collection of bumper sticker sayings
* Butt Prints in the Sand, "One night I had a wondrous dream..."
* Cajegne Tajeed, A Ouranian Barbaric christmas carol to the tune of "Silent Night"
* A Cal-Poly Engineer's Anti-Santa Proof, Santa meets Physics
* A Cat Diary, "DAY 752--My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects..."
* Chaos Bells, "Jingle Bells" for the chaotically-minded
* Christian Olympics 1: Foreskin Collecting, The Christian Olympics
* Christian Olympics 2: Heathen Converting, The Christian Olympics
* Christian Olympics 3: Casting out Demons/Faith Healing, The Christian Olympics
* Christian Olympics 4: Moving Mountains, The Christian Olympics
* Christian Olympics 5: Raising the Dead, The Christian Olympics
* Christian Olympics 6: Walking on Water, The Christian Olympics
* Christian Olympics 7: Snake Juggling, The Christian Olympics
* Christian Olympics 8: Lion Taming, The Christian Olympics
* Christian Olympics 9: Poison Drinking, The Christian Olympics
* Christian Olympics 10: Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego contest, The Christian Olympics
* Christan, Wiccan, and Sorceror joke, "A Christian, a Wiccan, and a Sorceror were taking a whizz in a public restroom..."
* Circle Etiquette, Good rules to remember at any magickal gathering
* Comic Prayer, Seeing humor in everything
* Cosmic Poker, Order, Chaos, Good, Evil, and Truth enjoying a game of power
* Crowley, A humorous little song about Crowley
* Cthulhu Look and Feel Suit, The Elder Attorneys file suit against Microsoft
* Cthulhu for Morons, An ad for the latest cthulhu book
* Cthulhu Rap, A wonderfully hilarious rap about Cthulhu
* Cthulhu Song, To the tune of "Camptown Races"
* Dark Conspiracy Involving Electrical Power Companies Surfaces, Lightbulbs are actually darksuckers
* Evil Monopoly, A board game for evil occultists
* Equations of Love, Love, Law, Possession, and Will equations
* Goddess Phone, Why satanists win the lottery
* God's genesis.log, Unix humor
* Gothic Rhapsody, New lyrics for an old classic
* Grand Manifesto of the Fake Order of Templars Oriental (FOTO), OTO humor
* A Guide to the Battle at the End of the World, Bizarre and sometimes humorous writings
* The Hacker's Tarot, Anyone want to draw it?
* Heretic's Christmas Carol, God rest ye merry pagan folk…
* Hermetic Barbie, A brand new toy
* How to Become a Witch in Nine Easy Lessons, Now you, too, can learn to become a genuine, bona fide witch!
* Humorous Computer Viruses, Viruses to watch out for
* The Illuminati FAQ, Fifty facts about the Illuminati
* Ineffective Daily Affirmations, Not that far off from the real ones
* Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?, A logical proof
* Knowledge, Power, Time, Work, and Money Equations, Simple algebra applied to time-tested sayings with shocking results
* Lady Pixie Moondrip's Guide to Craft Names, Why most pagan names seem to be the same
* The Lesser Banishing Ritual of Thee Mother-in-law, Ceremonial magick humor
* Liber Call Me AL: The Book of the In-Laws, A parody of the "Liber AL: Book of the Law"
* Magickal Anagrams, Funny anagrams for common magickal words and phrases
* man pshift, Unix humor
* Meatnork: A Definition, Now you needn't wonder
* More Than 666, Other Numbers of the Beast
* An Ode to Kali, A rather long little song
* One-liners, Puns---the lowest form of humor
* A Pledge of Non-Disinterest, Based on the Pledge of Allegience
* Ravehide, Sung to the tune of "Rawhide"
* Signs that you might be a Technopagan, 54 signs and counting...
* Tarot Song, A humorous little song
* Ten Ways to Piss Off a Wiccan, Try them out for yourself
* Thelema TV, "Welcome to Thelema TV. All New-Aeon, All the Time!"
* Thelemic Anagrams, Anagrams for "Love is the Law, Love under Will"
* A Thelemic Language Lesson, What thelemites say, and what they mean
* There Ain't No Necronomicon!, A song about the non-existence of the dreaded tome
* Tips for Evil Cult Members, This information could save your life
* The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord, A list any potential villain should be aware of
* The Top Ten Dangers of Studying Magick, A top 10 list
* Things overheard at God's Tech Support, Things you might hear in God's tech support department
* Things You Don't Want to Hear a Chaos Magician Say, But you've probably heard them anyway
* The Ultimate Rejection Letter, I regret to inform you…
* A Viking Christmassacre Carol, "Here we go a-plundering, in England oh so green…"
* Which Condom Would You Use?, If other business slogans were used for condoms…
* Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road: Experts Answer, Experts attempt to answer the most elusive question in existence
* Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road (neopagan style), Traditions and Famous Occultists answer
* Why I am a Biologist, Why be a biologist?
* A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob On The End, Discworld-inspired magician's humor