There Ain't No Necronomicon!

Copyright 1992 by Eric Hoffman and Poke Runyon

from: the O.T.A.'s Magickal Musings from Monsalvat -- Spring 92

Every few years you will see
An ad as well writ as can be!
Offering for sale a book. . .
Whose title is the selling hook.

It's called the Necronomicon
To summon horrors from beyond. . .
Or so 'twas claimed by H.P.L.. . .
Writ by an Arab 'mad as hell!

The author, poor Abdul Alhazred,
Was 'et by demons in Damascus --
And how his book survived,
Don't ask us!

Lovecraft's fans both far and near
Have searched for many a fruitless year
To find this book of evil spells
But the truth is sad to tell. . .


There is a Key of Solomon
And a Lesser Key, Lemegeton.
There's a Grimorie of Honorius
And other works notorious. . .

Heptameron, Enchiradon,
Complete with Tetragrammaton. . .
But there ain't no Necronomicon --
Of that we have no doubt!

There's Aramadel and Arbatel
And other catalogs of hell. . .
There's Picatrix (not pick up sticks!)
And other books of dirty tricks!

There's manuscripts quite Faus-tee-on
And Tablets in Eno-kee-on
But there ain't no Necronomicon,
And that's a simple fact!