It is in the grassy knolls where the cows, its hosts, play tournament chess with tiny men. It is in the theaters, in broad release, raining down like mental manna on the minds of the people. It is in the underwear of the famous. It is in the fevers of the night. It is in the flesh of the gods, which is frivolously added to everything "as a preservative". It is in the tinkle tinkle tinkle of a dog's license plate as he pees on your leg. It is in the sequel to the antecedent. It is in the noise you make when you discover you have applied too much grease.

If you find it, you should rejoice, for it is ubiquitous in its rarity. If you keep it, you will be hunted for it, and your life will be sold at auction. If you give it away, it will menace you in your dreams. If you eat it, you will be a god, and you will also have firm gums and good muscle tone.

Remember its special virtues. It is not venison, nor is it veal, nor is it that holiest of holies, mutton. Do not treat it as any of these, or it will spurn you. Use only the proper fork, and go gently with the seasonings, lest you offend it.

There... taste it. Chew it. Swallow it. Feel it coursing through your unmentionable passageways. Absorb it, and ascend to heaven. Mmmm.