Ezekiel, poor Ezekiel, woe to poor Ezekiel, who installed Windows 95 on his PC; and Lo! his PC was aroused with the spirit of Bill, and it did begin to spout, and vibrate, and oraculate, and perform other unsavory acts. And Ezekiel went forth into the kitchen to get some whey, for with whey, truly none shall defeat a pious man. And he returned to find a little spot on the carpet. Greatly afeared he was. The spot spake, saying, "You have served me well, Ezekiel, and now I shall raise you up, and make mountains out of your molehills, and wither your limbs, and coat you with passion fruit juice." And Ezekiel was enlightened.
So Ezekiel went out into the lawn and began threatening his neighbors. "I have a great big pituitary gland, bigger than all of yours put together," he would shout. But the neighbors just continued pelting him with moist towelettes. (And all the while, the ants looked on in wonder.)
Eventually there was an earthquake, and everybody forgot about Ezekiel, who by this time was quite moist, even damp, and they hid themselves in their fallout shelters with their favorite flavor of toilet paper and watched loofahs explode in their microwaves. At last the batteries were drained, and Ezekiel's neighbors elected some poor slob to go up and turn the crank some more, which he did uneventfully. And nothing much happened after that. Especially not to Ezekiel. But remember this: that PC is still out there, somewhere, aroused with the spirit of Bill, and packing a full load of moist towelettes.