The Diaminas Story: Becoming a God

Date: Wed, 1 Dec 1999 10:26:31 -0600 (CST)
From: Fenwick Rysen
To: zee-list
Subject: Re: Becoming a Servitor

lo eskis i ca e
On Wed, 1 Dec 1999 wrote:
> Re: Becoming a servitor > Interesting. A possible path to Godhood.

This has been tried.
At least three people died, one of whom was a great friend of mine.
Please let this idea go. The price you pay isn't worth it.

t'xhanta ca des za doijha cidiy, Alyse. We'll miss you.

In Life, Love, but not quite so much Laughter
---Fenwick Rysen

Date: Wed, 1 Dec 1999 16:55:25 -0600 (CST)
From: Fenwick Rysen
To: zee-list
Subject: Re: Becoming a Servitor

lo eskis i
On Wed, 1 Dec 1999, Nixzilch Jahfreak wrote:
> Okay, but how far is letting go? I mean, magickal enhancement is cool but I > wasn't planning on going full blown Godhead. Is it the viral duplication > thing thats dangerous or what? Any information you can hand over would be > beneficial in knowing what to avoid. I am sorry about your Alchemist-minded > friend but lets not let the persons death be meaningless. What did your > friend do that brought on the dangerous results. This would probably be of > interest to the entire zee-list I would think. <sigh>
Okay, this is one of the few things in my experience that I don't talk about, but I suppose the information will do more good in the open than it has in the closet. I'll probably sound crazy relating this story, and I'm glossing over most of the details for the sake of brevity (the real story would fill a book). I'm not sure how much of this will help you, and my warning honestly was a reaction to the "wouldn't it be need to become a god?" meme rather than any other meme that's appeared in your posts. I hadn't been following the thread, so my response may have been premature. In any case...

I first became aware of a person attempting to turn himself into a godform several years ago when a person named Mark Weaver contacted me about a situation he'd gotten himself into. Without boring you with all the details, Mark had become aware of a small cultish group operating in the Forestville/Guerneville area, approximately 60 miles north of San Francisco, and about 30 miles from my home at the time in Santa Rosa. The founder fo the cultish group had come up with an idea that ran something like this:

Now all this seemed rather nuts to me when I first heard it. It sounded like the guy was convinced that followers of a religion were what gave a god it's power, and that by expanding his religious base, (assuming he could successfully "bind" himself to this spirit) he'd become a god. I later found out that the guy genuinely *was* nuts (time in a mental institution and everything). But the guy was a genuinely powerful magician (part of what drove him nuts) and his theory made a certain amount of sense.

Picture creating a servitor whose purpose is to house a human spirit. Create a worshipper base to give it power, carrying it upwards to egregore status, and later to godform status. This isn't unlike the progress that I've watched Fotamecus take over the last few years from sigil, to a servitor under my control, to an egregore worshipped (used) by hundreds of highly trained magicians daily, to something close to a godform capable of tackling Chronos come the new millenium. If you could somehow bind yourself to that progression (and that's a mighty big if), you could, in theory, become some sort of a godform.

In any case, since the guy was nuts, he was convinced that in order for this spirit to be able to house a human spirit, a human spirit needed to form its basis. That resulted in one of the cult members volunteering for the "honor" of killing herself during the ritual creation of the servitor. (Told you the guy was nuts). He took on the name Diaminas, which was also the name he'd given the servitor, and the name the woman took before she was killed (the guy was a bit obsessive about the power inherent in names).

Mark found out about the group about that time and figured he was the person to stop the madness (he was about 17---not quite using his brains in my opinion). He tried to report them to the police, but they weren't interested because there was no evidence of any crime (to this day we don't know what happened to that body).

Due to several various spiritual experiences he had (most of them related to me through a mutual friend, Kira Kristoferson, whom I believe is actually lurking here on the zee-list) he came to the conclusion that it was of the utmost importance that he stop the guy from succeeding. I know that sounds lame, but there's about a year in here where some really strange shit went down, and even I have to agree that it looked like Mark's and Diaminas's karmas/paths/fates/whatever were somehow intertwined.

Blah blah blah, lots of time passed, Mark met a person named Alyse Winters and the two of them decided they were soulmates or something. She agreed to help Mark any way she could. More time passed.

Alyse managed to get herself "recruited" into the cult over that time to get an insider view of what was going on. Once again, I think this was plain stupid, and proof that neither Mark nor Alyse had their heads screwed on straight.

To make a long story short, Diaminas/the guy/whatever you want to call him, ended up expanding his little religious cult to a following of about a hundred. As the time for the guy's ritual sacrafice and binding to the spirit grew closer, the cult got really paranoid and Alyse was found out. She was murdered, and Mark, abandoned his plans for a magickal working to counter Diaminas, and paid a surprise visit to the compound with a handgun and his ritual sword.

Luckily no one got hurt, but Diaminas successfully carried out his ritual and killed himself in his attempt to bind himself with the spirit. Everything I know after this point is secondhand or worse through Mark and Kira, and it gets really foggy and confused.

Apparently the ritual succeeded, and Diaminas had several successful communications with the high priest of the cult. But it was obvious something wasn't right, and his personality twisted. What I've pieced together is that somehow the spirit and the guy were incompatible. The fact that the woman had been sacraficed to create the spirit probably has something to do with it, but I've given up trying to figure out how or why. After somet time the communications to the higher-ups in the cult were requests and pleas that he be allowed to die. Mark also communicated with Diaminas, and eventually Mark did several workings to locate, summon, and destroy Diaminas.

To this day, Alyse's spirit has been reported to haunt the grove of woods where she first met Mark. Kira caretakes the land now, and she and Mark erected a memorial for her in the grove that she reportedly haunts.

The spirit of the girl killed to create the spirit has been reported to haunt the location where she was killed (a series of tunnels that take Santa Rosa Creek underground through part of the city), and I've actually seen her and talked with her. She's kind and nice, but the experience has been rather frightening on both occasions---she kills batteries in flashlights, and when your several hundred feet into those tunnels, there's no light left other than what you bring. I normally don't mind the dark, but when you're left with a flashlight that barely works, and you're talking to a spirit whose presence fills the darkness there.....

Mark spent a while recuperrating at Kira's. Last I heard he was still racked with guilt over Alyse's death, and he regularly just takes off for destinations unknown, showing back up at Kira's about once every year or so. Sometimes he's in good shape, other times he looks like he's been through hell and back.

The cult pretty much fell apart in the aftermath. Police investigations can do that to a small religion. The core members stuck together, and last I heard they've set up a New-Agey temple in the Sebastopol area. They refer to the godhead/spirit/creator as Diaminas, though the context has completely changed.

Throughout the whole thing I got to talk to a lot of people about the idea of becoming a godform. The experiences I witnessed first- and second-hand soured me to anyone suggesting the possibility of turning themselves into some sort of godform. Alyse was a very dear friend of mine and she is greatly missed. The endeavour not only failed, it also destroyed many lives---Mark says he's happy now, but all of his friends still think he's a broken shell of who he once was.

I also ended up talking to a lot of other powerful magicians around the world about the prospect of becoming a godform. Many of them provided many interesting theories about how it could be done. I was also very surprised when a small but powerful minority all had the same reaction to my inquiry: They said they'd witnessed a similar attempt to what I was explaining, and they gave dire warnings against attempting any form of godhood. I became privy to many other stories of attempted godhood, and not a one ended in success. Alchemists poisoned by their own experiments, goetic mages found dead of a heart attack in a broken circle, a mass cult suicide, and more. There was only one possible success story, but that was iffy. Inevitably, the attempt for godhood killed the individual attempting it.

There's so much more I'm glossing over...

Folks, there's a reason I've avoided talking about this, and it's because as I read back through this, my words sound like the rantings of a madman. Just remember, you asked... Maybe someday I'll write down the whole story and try to make more sense of it all. Kira jokes that I'd have to publish it as fiction because nobody would ever take it at face value.

"Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense."
---Charles Fort

In Life, Love, and Laughter<BR> ___ --Fenwick Rysen o | Magick Code: MCH/PA S* W++(--) N$+++ PCE/NO/EC@ Ds/d/r+ A++ / a++ C$++++>+++++ G+++ QH++>----- 666++>-- Y+++ .__|__. | ___ | "The only prevalent characteristic of chaotes is their / ability to confuse you beyond all hope of rescue." | ---Mathias Karlsson