Learning to become a worse chaote

Date: Tue, 05 Nov 96 06:49:42 0500
From: la doktressa de la nuit
Newsgroups: alt.magick.chaos
To: tiamat-l@netcom.com

sidrat wrote:
I think I make a crappy "I wanna be a black-magick-A.C.-amoral-psychopath" sort of chaos mage, but am willing to learn. Please post pertinent instructions.

1. Examine your wardrobe. Any article ov clothing coloured anything other than black must be discarded immediately, if not sooner.

2. Locate the trendiest coffeshop in town. Go there, but complain bitterly about everything and everyone nearby. Reminisce about how much cooler it was before. (Before what is up to you). Drink espresso and smoke clove cigarettes, or handrolled Drums.

3. Purchase - or better yet, steal from the library, if possible - everything by Uncle Al. DO NOT under any circumstances actually read this material! You may, however, flip through it now & then, to glean certain catch phrases with which to pepper your complaints about the coffeehouse.

4. Purge your music collection ov everything except death metal/ noise (choose one or both). Vinyl by Ozzy's Black Sabbath is ok.

5. Learn the name ov at least one lesser-known Elder God. Paint this on your leather. Sneer condescendingly at anyone who asks what it means, or tries to pronounce it.

6. Change your last name to a 3-digit number or the obscure Elder God mentioned above. Sorry, SatanX7 is already taken.

7. Familiarize yourself with the local magickal, pagan, or Wiccan organizations or bookstores. (if none nearby, pick crystal worshippers, believers-in-angels-in-UFOs or tree-huggers). Learn their basic beliefs. Pooh-pooh them loudly in public.

8. If anyone asks what exactly _you_ believe or practice, raise one eyebrow (tweezed into devilish points for effect), stroke your goatee (likewise), snort, scoff, and Cast Aspersions Upon Them.

9. Post constantly to alt.religion.wicca, alt.gothic, or rec.music.industrial, flaming everyone who has ever heard ov said newsgroup. Use as many scatological and sexual terms as possible. Invent impossible physical recreations involving rodents and dental floss and accuse them ov it. Do Not respond to anyone who flames back - disappear for a day or two, then start over.

Bonus Points: never, ever, spell a common 2-letter preposition "o - f" ;)

hey, it's worked great for me so far!

In Perfect Love and Graveyard Dust,